bigblondmotherhen | ic

[ Your promises suck, he doesn't answer in reply to words that aren't said. He's not fifteen anymore, and yet. ]

I'm sorry you had to, in the first place.

[ It's moments like this that makes him feel each and every single day of those five years and four months, like a dam bursting long enough to drown a small town. ]

I miss you.

[ i know, kiddo. i know. there is no apology in the pause of silence that is punctuated only by the intake of three breaths. ]

I'll take that, [ because he'd be lying if he said that he wasn't sorry as well. he'd told the kid not to get cocky, but they'd both been riding on the high of a supposed fifth kill -- and it was just their bad luck that knifehead had been smarter and stronger than the last four. ]

Miss you too, buddy. [ there's a momentary breath, again. ] How's Mako? [ it's not that he's been purposely ducking them.

he just has by default. ]

She's as great as she can ever be, [ he answers, but there's a small nugget of worry in his voice. ] Sometimes I feel like I'm holding her back.

[ Yancy would understand why. He knows how the cogs and screws in Raleigh's head works, without needing the drift, because their history is couched in growing up, in knowing how this scar ended up there or this bruise ended up here, and that had been the truth they both held to for years, like a prayer on a cold night.

And then Alaska happened. And things changed. And then nothing was ever the same, because you couldn't pin a ghost to the wind even if you tried with all the gifts that God gave your mortal soul. ]

What do you think Mom would do?

[ Yancy lifts a brow at that. There's a distinct quality to the pause he takes, when he doesn't answer right away.

There's a memory from long ago: bruised fists and swelling faces, and Stacker Pentecost dressing them down afterwards. It hadn't even been about the girl, he'd realized sometime later when he'd looked across to Raleigh from his side of the conn-pod, eyes meeting his brother's in a query of we good, bro? before they'd stepped in for yet another neural handshake. ]

I think Mom would give me the same exasperated look I want to give you if you weren't hiding behind your communicator all the time when we have these talks.

[ You running again? is what he doesn't say. I thought we went over this bro. No more excuses for the things you really want.

Though, to be fair, Yancy knows that he doesn't know nearly enough of how his brother and Mako work. Still, what he does know is the way -- today not counted, because clearly something is up -- Raleigh's tone changes when he talks about the girl. Pentecost's Daughter, Tokyo's Daughter, Japan's Dorothy Gale. The co-pilot, his brother's better half. ]

Talk to me. [ He sighs. ] Better yet, can we just hang out for like an hour so I can headlock you already. It's a small city but I feel like I'm stateside and you're in, I dunno, China.

You're a dick, [ he replies, a small smile crawling out of him when he does. ] how did I end with you.

[ Yancy's right, though. Mom wouldn't want him to be a mess like this; she'd never raised her children to sit at the back of the us, in a manner of speaking, and she certainly didn't encourage them to hide from their issues, either. Those lessons had taught Raleigh more than he'd hoped to learn, and it's his mother's touch that had him swallowing his pride in the cold of Alaska - admitting to himself that yes, he's grieving, and yes, he has to face the fact that he needs to move on.

He doesn't do anyone proud, moping around like he does now. ]

Where are you?

Avoiding my room. [ He doesn't know why he hasn't moved wholesale to join the rest of the PPDC in the classroom. It's partly to give Raleigh and Mako space, partly to keep an eye out because he'd felt, for the first few weeks that he could be useful elsewhere.

But he hasn't been to the room nearly as often as he used to be, sleeping only when he needs to, napping elsewhere when he can manage.

And all because of that new roommate of theirs. Guy gave him the creeps. ]

And you're funny, you little shit. [ He says it with affection. ] Don't care if you're older now, [ Can I please joke about this, kid? ] I'm still your big brother. [ Let me joke about this. Tell me that we're fixed. ]

Am in the common area. Or we can go grab food, if you like.

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